Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
