You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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