my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
