Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
