yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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