I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
