I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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