Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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