Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
