The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
