I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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