Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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