yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
