I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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