i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
