This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
