There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
