I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
