I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just invented taco cereal.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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