I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
