Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
