no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When are your genitals available?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
