god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
