I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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