I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Found your dick twin last night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
