I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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