The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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