just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize