I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
