hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
