WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
