So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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