I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
