When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
