I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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