My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
As shirtless as possible
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
