I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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