I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
this will be a night to untag.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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