I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
