your thong is hanging out like whoa
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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