dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
