i don't like sucking hair
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
