I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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