White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
