I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
