Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
