Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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