Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
