Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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