We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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