i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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