lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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