he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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