I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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