Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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