I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize