Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
