Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
