she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
These tits shall not be calmed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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