I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My balls are so social today.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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