life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
