Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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