She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
