is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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