She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
