yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
