she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
