One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
