well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
