And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize