Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
